A gang bang is when multiple people have sex with one person at the same time or when they have sex with one person one right after the other. In heteronormative terms, it refers to a woman being penetrated by multiple men. A reverse gang bang is when one man has sex with multiple women. While gang bangs are a form of group sex, they differ from an orgy in that there’s usually one point person. (To be clear: We’re speaking of consensual group sex.)
Having a gang bang fantasy, or taking it a step further and organizing and participating in one, can be considered taboo, but being into gang bangs is totally normal, says Michael Aaron PhD, a kink-friendly NYC-based therapist and author of Modern Sexuality: The Truth about Sex and Relationships. In fact, a2014 study, conducted by researchers at the University of Montreal, found that 28.3% of women surveyed fantasizedabout sex with “more than three people, all men.” Of course, while a gang bang indicates penetration is involved, you don’t need penises to experience it. A group of people wearing strap-ons will work just fine.
But, as many people can attest to, having a fantasy doesn’t mean you want to actually go through with it in real life. Lots of people have secret fantasies they may be too ashamed to ask for, so you needn’t feel embarrassed if you harbor a gang bang fantasy (or any other seemingly “taboo” fantasy). To help you fulfill your desires, we’ve compiled seven tips —in the form of baby steps toward the real deal —for anyone out there who finds the idea of a gang bang totally hot.
The gap between what we learned in sex ed and what we’re learning through sexual experience is big — way too big. So we’re helping to connect those dots by talking about the realities of sex, from how it’s done to how to make sure it’s consensual, safe, healthy, and pleasurable all at once.
Watch gang bang porn.
Like dirty talk, watching porn is a wonderful way to explore a gang bang fantasy without actually having to have sex with five people in under an hour. Plus, porn adds a visual element that dirty talk can’t provide.
“In porn, you let others do the dirty work, so to speak,” says Denise Renye, PsyD, licensed psychologist and sexologist. “You can watch others play out what has only been alive in your wild imagination.”
A mainstream porn website that delivers quality gang bang porn filmed consensually is Kink.com (although after the rape allegations against James Deen surfaced, the site found itself entangled in controversy). If you’re looking for a 100% female- and queer-friendly site, Sugarbutch has some great queer gang bang porn.
Role-play using sex toys.
Let’s say you’re in a monogamous relationship. You may only have one partner, but you can buy as many dildos as you can afford — which allows you to try out safe, makeshift versions of gang bangs.
Here’s how to do it: Integrating dirty talk, have your partner penetrate you in the orifice of your choice using a strap-on dildo or their penis, and then either you or your partner can penetrate a remaining orifice (your mouth, anus, or vagina) using other dildos. (For butt play, always remember to use lube!)
To act out the fantasy of having penetrative sex with one person after another, have your partner use their penis or dildo, and then follow with another toy. Babeland sells lots of dildos in different shapes and skin tones, so collecting and playing with a variety of colors and sizes can help replicate the experience of a gang bang.
Attend a sex party.
Gang bangs can happen at sex parties. And because all reputable sex parties have very strict rules on consent and etiquette, they can be a safe place to try one. Since we’re talking baby steps, attending a sex party is a wonderful way simply to talk to other sex positive attendees about your fantasy.
“Sex parties can be very validating,” says Effy Blue, relationship coach and educator, who also teaches a play party etiquette workshop. “Sometimes we think our fantasies are our own only, and we may harbor shame around them — especially if they are kinky. It can be very liberating and inspiring to see and hear other people’s sexual activities and fantasies.” Before attending your first sex party, Blue recommends reading her Play Party Etiquette book available here.
Speaking of seeing, if at the sex party, you’re lucky enough to see a gang bang in the wild, it can help you figure out if it’s something you’d enjoy in real life (or if it’s better confined to your incognito browser).
Start small with a threesome.
Sex involving three people is a threesome, not a gang bang (which involves more than three people). But trying a threesome can be a great way to employ Dr. Aaron’s rule of “ramping up” when fulfilling sexual fantasies. Before sending out a Google Calendar invite to your favorite sex positive friends to organize a gang bang, start small with a threesome, especially if you’re inexperienced with group sex.
From asking some open-minded friends to trying your luck on Tinder to threesome-specific apps like Feeld (formerly 3nder), organizing a threesome is totally possible. If you’re the receiving partner and you want to have sex with two other people to create a light version of a gang bang, either opt for an MMF threesome (meaning: two men and one woman), or enjoy an all-female threesome with two wearing strap-on dildos (hot!).
Play around on FetLife.
While Facebook can be an excellent research tool if you’re interested in learning which of your friends also share an interest in DIY crafts, it’s not the best choice to seek out individuals who also have a gang bang fantasy.
Thankfully, there’s a social media platform that’s specifically made for this need: FetLife. While not the most user-friendly tool, it’s the best place on the internet to talk shop with other kinksters. And you can keep your profile as anonymous as you like.
A quick search in FetLife for “gang bang” reveals a plethora of group results, some refined to location or sexual orientation. The first result, “gang bangs and group fun,” has 21,598 members at the time of writing. That’s a whole lot of other curious people to discuss and share fantasies with.
Start small by simply reading about your kink and how others experience it. This will help you shut down any internal shame, since you’ll see that there are literally thousands of others like you (if not more). After exploring your fantasy on FetLife, the platform is also a great place to organize and sign up for consensual gang bangs — but proceed with caution (and to the next slide).
Organize a safe, consensual gang bang.
If you’ve enjoyed gang bang dirty talk with one partner, gotten off to nice consensual gang bang porn, shared your fantasies at a sex party (or even watched one go down), and reignited your belief in god through a successful threesome, then I give you permission: Go ahead and plan a gang bang.
FetLife is certainly a place that facilitates meeting interested participants, but let me state the obvious: Meeting strangers from the internet to organize a gang bang carries risks. Swinger events, sex parties, or simply discussing the fantasy with sex positive friends are also fantastic ways to meet potential partners to turn your fantasy into real life — and they’re less risky.
“Know your play partners. Make sure there is safety physically, emotionally, and energetically,” Dr. Renye says. “Has everyone been tested? When? If something emotional comes up for one of the participants, what’s the group plan? What sort of precautionary [methods] have been talked about and taken by the group prior to play? What are the parameters on time, sexual availability of each member, and safe words?”
Do your research, have the necessary pre-gang bang conversations with your partners, and consult a doctor if you’re unsure how to be safe. Insist on up-to-date STI test results from your partners, and use protection. And remember to discuss emotional risks that may arise (along with physical risks).
Down with all of the above? Then go ahead and get some (or in this case, many).
Get involved!
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