One of my biggest pet peeves in porn is guys grabbing a girl’s hair the wrong way. I happen to be a huge fan of having someone grab a handful of my hair when they’re fucking me, but I am pretty insistent that they do it the correct way, for a variety of reasons.
Watch this animated gif, paying attention to the way he’s using her hair:
The guy has a handful of her hair almost a foot and a half from her head! This is NOT the way you should use your partner’s hair when you’re fucking. It doesn’t do much for her, and it can be dangerous. If he yanks too hard, it can produce a whiplash effect (notice the angle of her neck), and that would not be wonderful. Unfortunately, a good bit of porn you see these days shows it being done incorrectly. It might look hot, but it is unsafe.
The primary intent behind grabbing a partner’s hair during sex is to exert dominance and control. Do you think the guy in the image above can exert any real dominance or control over the girl? Of course not.
So what’s the right way to do it?
The correct way to grab your partner’s hair is to grab a handful as close to the skull as you can, and hold it while you’re fucking her (note that I’m writing this as if the scenario was a guy fucking a woman. In reality, it could be any gender combination). You should lace your fingers through her hair, or if it’s long enough to form a ponytail out of it and grab that, you can do it that way if you wish. Either way, the secret is to get a handful as close to the skull as possible.
Doing this has three distinct advantages:
- It allows you to exert control, which is one of the biggest reasons for using hair in the first place. When you have a handful of hair close to the skull, you can control the movement of your partner’s head, which by default controls her. Notice where the guy above is holding her hair? Can he control her that way? No.
- It provides leverage. Having a handful of your partner’s hair allows you to use her weight to counter yours as you’re pounding away from behind. You can use it to pull her back into you as you thrust forward, making the physical aspects (and therefore the psychological ones) of the fucking more intense.
- It is much safer for her. As I indicated above, grabbing hair that far out actually moves the pivot point from the base of your hand where it’s grabbing the hair to a point in her neck. If you pull too hard, that jerking of her head back like that can result in a whiplash effect, one that may not be apparent for several hours after the sex.
Grabbing hair at just about any other point is almost as bad as what’s being done in the video.In the image on the left below, the guy’s grabbing the girl’s hair at her forehead. Again, this puts the pivot point in a bad location for her, and she runs the risk of inuring her neck. Additionally, the hair is not embedded as deeply in your scalp there as it is, say, at the back of the head. You run the risk of tearing hair from her head if you get too vigorous.
The concepts above apply to sex when a partner is at the rear fucking the one whose hair is being grabbed, but the same basic principles apply if you’re grabbing her hair to head lock her during a face or throat fucking session as well. Grab the hair at the upper, back end of the head at the back of the skull and use it to hold her head in place as you’re thrusting your cock into her mouth or her throat (see below, left). If you grab it too far out, you lose control of the head and her head moving back will result in the pulling of her hair (which hurts, in a bad way!). It is also acceptable to grab hair on both sides of the head for this purpose as well (pigtails work great for this)
Now, normally, I’m a big advocate of asking before you do something to another person during sex. Hair pulling is an exception to that, however. A lot of people don’t realize how primal it can feel to be controlled during sex, and using a partner’s hair in this manner is a lightweight way to do that. A bit of experimentation here can go a long way, potentially.
So I think it is perfectly fine to reach up and grab your partner’s hair, doing it in the manner I’ve referenced above. Start out gently with it and see how she reacts, perhaps running your hands through her hair a few times before you grab a handful and begin pulling lightly. Get more vigorous with it over time if she seems to be comfortable with it. If she seems to be warm and fuzzy with what you’ve done so far, increase the strength of your grasp and the amount of control you exert until you get some pushback or until you reach your limit.
It is possible to do this while fucking in a cowgirl position as well, if she’s leaning down on top of you. Just wrap your arms around her torso, underneath her arms at the armpits, and reach up and grab some hair. It’s not quite as psychologically powerful this way, but still has some effect. Pull her head back as you’re thrusting and she’s countering you (the hair pulling will actually help with her countering your thrusts, in fact).
The one time I know these techniques will present a problem for partners fucking doggy style when they are of equal size, or where the person on the receiving end is taller than the one giving. In those cases it is sometimes difficult for the giving partner to be able to reach up far enough to grab the other’s hair the right way and maintain control (especially if she has short hair). This requires the puller to bend over, disturbing the pair’s balance, or makes it difficult to focus on fucking. A solution to this is to have her lie on her side and fuck her that way, or fuck her while sitting on your haunches, straddling her other leg. Either of these will allow you to move a bit closer to her, so be careful that you still grab the hair at the back base of the skull (you want to be sure you don’t pull her head sideways, either).
It’s not just the dominance factor that plays into the enjoyment of this for many people, but there’s also a bit of pain involved in it as well if it is executed correctly. The skull is rich in nerve endings, and is quite sensitive to pain. When you’re pulling a handful of hair, the pain can be magnified considerably, intensifying the sex for those who enjoy a bit of pain with their pleasure. As you grow more comfortable with it, you can pull harder and harder each time until someone reaches their limits
So, to summarize, the single most important thing to keep in mind with hair pulling is safety, especially as it relates to the neck of the person whose hair is being pulled. It’s a lot of fun for most people, and can certainly add a bit of spice to your sex play. Just be safe and make sure no one gets hurt.
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